Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland

A couple of days ago when it iced over we came about as close to being a winter wonderland as we ever do in Texas (although last year on Christmas Day it snowed!). David, nonetheless, was very keen to go outside. Lacking gloves for his cold little hands, we shoved him into a full-coverage fluffy suit with inexplicable bear ears and built-in mittens. It worked pretty well! Will wanted to try, too, but  he couldn't make it off the porch. He fell down and "lay there like a slug. It was his only defense." [If you haven't seen the movie A Christmas Story, you'll have no idea what I'm talking about!]

Our poor sweet helper is hiding :)

David is a little man who HAS to walk/run/move

Closet antics

Will and Gracie somehow managed to get the hall closet door open, even after I had checked to be sure it was shut!

. . . but then wanted to free him when he complained

Gracie closed Will into the closet . . . 

My brother and Seth: look-alikes?

We finally found that picture of Kenneth that reminds me so much of Seth! The top picture is Kenneth, about 6 months older than Seth is currently, so he had a lot more hair than Seth does.

Gracie's monologue

You have to listen really closely right away to hear Gracie's answer to Gavin's question. :)

Little Christmas girls (and other baby "news")

The girls were in such a good mood following our family Christmas portrait we got some great photos of just the two of them - and the Christmas bear that lives on our mantle right now, thanks to Marmi! The boys were hungry and had no interest in further photos. :} A huge thank you to Naomi who took the pictures, and to Lynnette and Grandpadad who helped control and contain the chaos before, during and after.

Gracie is on the left and was apparently in a somewhat thoughtful mood. Marcie was a little ham for the camera and for us!

Gracie is actually smiling more than Marcie in this picture!

I had to insert myself into the fun. It's such FUN to have little girls!!! I bought the dresses for them after agonizing over whether or not it was worth the money "just for Christmas," but happily these dresses aren't Christmas-specific, so plan to see them again around Valentine's Day. :) They even have a smocked heart on the bodice! Baby girl clothing sections of stores are too tempting for me.

In other news, Marcie's clinginess has abated dramatically, and she's a very contented, active, happy, talkative little girl who seems comfortable in her surroundings. She loved, loved, loved playing with her baby bowl and spoon yesterday. She must have sat at the table an hour longer than the other babies because she was so interested in learning how to maneuver the spoon and the food in the bowl (it was mushy and sticky, the perfect kind of spoon for first self-feeding). It seemed like she was playing house. She also loves to pick up and comfort her little brown bear, using sympathetic, concerned-sounding intonations in her crooning. It's adorable! 

It's so much fun to watch the kids mimic. Marcie was holding an Elmo phone up to her ear the other day, and today Will and David both wanted to wear my lanyard with name tag around their necks. David had to take it on a walk around the house, of course, whereas Will lost interest when we went outside. When Seth fell down and cried last night, David ran over to pat him gently on the head. David also likes to feed Gracie. He'll come get the food from whoever is giving it out, and take it over to Grace to put directly into her mouth. She happily takes it!

We've had a mild cold for the past couple of weeks, compliments of a bug going around Isaac's school. It only lasts about five days, but of course it takes a while to make its way through the whole family. Will and Seth are the only ones still sick with it now, but a HUGE praise is that Seth has kept his oxygen saturations up in the high 90's despite this viral respiratory infection. It's really almost more encouraging to see Seth get sick and handle it fine than if he never got sick at all. Hopefully it's proof his lungs are getting stronger and more resilient. Granted, this was a very mild cold, for which we are grateful, and we appreciate your continued prayers for good health.

Gavin and Isaac are in CA for a week at beloved Cousin Annelies's wedding. Wish I could be there with all the babies and a huge crew of volunteers to help with them! ;) I'm so grateful this illness mostly passed before Gavin left, and especially that I was well over it. When people hear Gavin is gone again, a lot of them say, "He just got back!" This trip is my fault. :) Gavin wasn't planning on going, but I thought SOMEONE should represent us at this very special occasion, and happily Isaac also had the week off of school. His cousins are all there with him in CA, so this a huge blessing! They won't be together at Christmas, so it's great they get to celebrate Thanksgiving as a family. Isaac is having a blast and is loving entertaining baby Mari at Marmi and Papa's house. He got to play with Siena and Marin yesterday - hooray! - and Ethan and Levi and Lisi arrived today.

Love to you all, and have a blessed Thanksgiving! I know we will, even without Daddy and Isaac (whose name Marcie can say quite well!). It's so special to have my family and friends here, not to mention all the wonderful helpers and babysitters who make the season bright, joyful, and do-able!
Carrie

Christmas preparations

Two people asked me recently, "How are you REALLY doing?" I guess my posts sound really up-beat, and indeed, that is how I am feeling!: very, very blessed; provided for on every front by my Heavenly Father and His vessels here on Earth. I even have dear Sarah to stay with me at night while Gavin is gone! [For more on why he's gone, see next post.]

This picture of Sarah wrangling babies is hilarious because David is contorting poor Gracie's face in his excitement, and Sarah is trying to intervene without the free hands to be able to do so! Welcome to our world. :)

In addition, I am encouraged by how eagerly and abundantly Seth is eating and drinking. I am also encouraged by the fact that during his small motor skills assessment he scored higher than his unadjusted age (i.e. at the level of a 16-month-old when he's "actually" not quite 13 months based on his due date of Nov. 3rd), so he no longer qualifies for occupational therapy! And last night I was moved almost to tears when I saw him react to the wreath that had hung in his bay at the NICU last year. He was just as entranced by the flashing snowflake lights, but whereas last year he could only see it from my arms or from his bed, this year he could stand up and touch the lights, looking hale, healthy, happy and hearty! We revel in a thousand gifts like this. We are overwhelmed by God's grace as we look back and see how far we've all come, and we never cease to be amazed at God's care of us through you and so many others. He is good, all the time, and He has been so kind and merciful to our family.

Seth exploring his wreath from last year. (The bulbs remain cool to the touch.)

Marcie was pretty interested too! The other babies were already in bed.

Three cute babies (Seth, Marcie, Gracie) on the couch with their good bud Jonathan. He volunteers with his mom, much to Gavin's amazement. (Babies were a foreign, somewhat scary other life form to Gavin before he had his own.) Thanks to their help with babies and cleanup last night, I was able to decorate for Christmas. I had the fun job!

The stockings are hung by the chimney with care. I can't believe the kids haven't pulled them down yet!
Left to right is Jonathan's mom, Marcie, Gracie and Seth.

Unpacking boxes, quint style

Bathroom Antics

Gavin found Gracie and Seth playing in our bathroom yesterday. Gracie was busily throwing everything out of the cabinet, as though it was her solemn duty and required her full concentration and utmost effort. Seth looks so innocent. I'm not sure why he doesn't have a shirt on in this picture. It's too cold now to get away with that!

This picture just captures David's fun, intense, happy, relational personality!

This picture does not capture Will's natural intensity, concern for his own rights, and outspokenness, but he is a real sweetie who loves his siblings (despite appearances to the contrary, e.g. when he takes their food/pacifiers/toys away from them - being big has its advantages!). He is walking exclusively now. No more crawling for "Sumo Waddle" Will! 

Gavin couldn't get all five babies looking up at the same time, so you don't get to see Marcie's face in this one.
Clockwise from top left: Gracie, Seth, David, Marcie, and Will. 

Blurry, but you get the idea: David filched the plunger and toilet brush from the guest bathroom. Marcie is behind him. (She took nine steps in a row a couple of days ago, grinning the whole time. She was so proud of herself!)

This one is not bathroom related, but I'll stick it in because it's cute. Grandpadad surrounded by all his little "birdies."
Left to right: Marcie, Seth, Gracie, Will, and David.

This 'n' that

Marcie in the crawl-through tunnel Naomi brings. It took Gracie a while to get up the nerve to go through!

Gavin's parents with Seth, Gracie, Will, Marcie and David (left to right), just before they went back to CA.
Will is playing with the white pom-pom on the end of Gracie's Santa jacket hood. 

Seth on the pony. He and the girls like to ride it, but the girls really get it rocking!

David is kneeling like he's about to be knighted or propose marriage. Funny little guy!
He's wearing his PJ's to Costco, just because.

The birth story

Months and months ago, I read back through some early blog posts and saw a comment that I had missed asking me to write the birth story if I ever got the chance. I think now's that chance! The house is quiet, clean(ish), and I am feeling very reminiscent. However, I will also say right off that I am not the best at remembering details - or rather, I THINK I remember them, then get them wrong! So if I accidentally lie in this, forgive me. ("Often wrong but never in doubt," hee, hee!)

Okay, so the day before, August 8th, 2012, I had an ultrasound to measure the babies. All were measuring well with the exception of Gracie, who was measuring small. Will was really big for his age. Everything felt pretty calm and comfortable, and I hunkered down to wait, hoping and praying for weeks more. That evening I started contracting, but the contractions weren't painful, just too frequent for the comfort of the medical staff. They asked the anesthesiologist on call to come in and talk to me about the c-section anesthesia just in case . . .

However, frequent mild contractions had happened many times before and nothing had progressed, so I really wasn't worried. I got ready for bed and they gave me some Demerol to try to calm down my uterus and body enough to allow me to sleep well and stop any unnecessary activity.

Well, I slept really, really well, but at 5:15 I woke up feeling really cold (unusual, given that I was a veritable furnace incubating that many growing babies!), so I reached down to pull up my blankets.  And noticed that they were sopping wet, as was my sheet and mattress. A very strange and lovely peace descended over me at the same time as a "here we go" excitement started tapping on the back of my brain. I picked up the call button, and when the nurse answered, I said very calmly, "My water just broke." (Really, though, it had been at least half-an-hour or so, I figure, because it was very cold water. When my water broke with Isaac it was quite warm, of course.)

You wanna get a hospital room filled with a dozen staff members within 30 seconds? Be pregnant with five babies at once and announce that your water broke! Oh my, they were in there IMMEDIATELY, all rushing around, hooking me up to monitors and IV's, paging my doctor (I asked them to wait, just in case labor didn't start, but they assured me she would be up for the day anyway at that point because she had rounds really early.). I called Gavin to let him know, and we both hoped that maybe it was just the water from one of the babies and labor would not be imminent. He still rushed to the hospital as fast as he could, though!

The doctor started me on magnesium sulfate to try to stave off labor and a steroid to help the babies' lungs, plus I was given more Demerol just for its relaxing effects. She noted that I was still only dilated to a 2, so we hoped we could keep labor from starting and progressing. She did an ultrasound and found that only Will's sac had broken. He maybe got tired of being on the bottom of the stack of babies, or he felt like he was big enough and ready enough?! :) He was the biggest at 2 lb 10 oz, but Gracie was only 1 lb 12 oz!

Within a couple of hours I felt like I was really in labor, more so in some ways than I had been with Isaac. The first symptom was a feeling like I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I guess that's what the steroid can do to you, plus maybe just being in labor with five babies?! Have any of you other ladies had that awful "Get me out of this flesh!" heebie-jeebies feeling? The only thing that helped was having Gavin scratch my back. I told him to tell my mom and Aunt Pam to come so they could relieve him with the back scratching, but before long that was the least of my worries. My contractions were coming closer and closer, maybe 4 minutes apart?, and hurting more and more. I had to breathe and groan through them, clutching the hospital bed to brace myself. The nurses looked pretty concerned, I remember.

I thought, "This is not stopping." The doctor had said she'd be back by noon, I think, to check on me, but I knew I would be popping out babies before noon. I hated to "call it," though, because I didn't want to condemn my babies to being born so early. I had prayed for the labor to stop, but all the while I had a really deep peace that this was totally under God's control and in His time.

I told the resident how I was strongly contracting, and that it really hurt, so she called the doctor back in at about 8:45, just 3.5 hours after I first noticed my water had broken. The doctor checked me and I was dilated to a 4 or 4.5, I forget. She ripped off her glove, yanked up the side bars on my bed and said, "That's it, I'm calling it. Code 5." At that point the place just kind of erupted in an oddly organized and calm way, and the code 5 pager message was sent to 128 staff, including nurses, doctors, surgeons, pharmacists, even security personnel. One nurse was almost home following her shift, but she turned right back around! Another lives an hour away but made it in 45 minutes. :)

My doctor trundled me down the hall, practically running, to the operating room. The place filled up in seconds, it seemed, and Gavin appeared all gowned up and with a mask on. I was still laboring and in pain, but really excited yet at peace at the same time. The anesthesiologist (a new one - the one I'd met with the night before had gone off duty!) tried to start my spinal and epidural, but my stomach was so huge and I was in such strong labor, contractions only a couple minutes apart, it was next to impossible to arch my back. Bless her heart, she just kept trying. Thankfully I don't mind needles at all (part of the reason I have five babies - I had to give myself shots to stimulate things to work better internally, and I talked my doctor into letting me increase the dose for a thicker uterine lining!). Anyway, I had a labor and delivery nurse coaching me, my head buried in her shoulder, one of my perinatal docs rubbing my lower back (AWESOME!!), and my main, beloved perinatal doc holding my hands and telling me how great I was doing. It was the best labor coaching ever! But I wasn't getting the spinal block and epidural in my back like I needed in order for them to proceed with the Caesarian. [A C-section with multiples requires both types of anesthesia, I guess.] I remember thinking finally, "I'VE GOT TO DO THIS!" and giving it my all to arch my back and bend forward between contractions, and the anesthesiologist was finally able to slip the needle into the right space between my vertebrae. Hooray! It started working right away, thankfully. I had started to wonder if Will was going to come out on the table, I could feel him moving down so far! In fact, my perinatologist said she wasn't sure he was going to be first out after all because he had moved down into the pelvis.

I remember seeing the little open bassinet where Baby A was going to be worked on by the main neonatologist, and I remember my mom, Aunt Pam and my Dad all coming in, gowned up, to say hi, that they loved me and that they were praying. Meanwhile a curtain had been erected between me and my stomach. The staff seemed very busy on the other side, but I had to ask Gavin, "Have they cut me yet?" He laughed, and said, "Uh, YEAH!" He was very brave and took pictures the whole time! At that point the doctor was running her hand around in my abdomen separating the amniotic sacs from the uterine wall, I think. She got Will out first after all, at 10:01 a.m., and I saw these little red legs waving in the air. They looked bigger than I had anticipated, so that was a relief. Then I heard a little cry when they pulled David out, but I didn't get to see him, he was rushed so quickly to the other room where the other bassinets were warmed and waiting with 5 staff members per baby (including a respiratory therapist, two NICU nurses, a neonatal nurse practitioner and/or physician per baby, not to mention a VERY busy pharmacy staff rushing the medicines up to the right babies as soon as they needed them). I don't remember much about Marcie or Seth or Gracie, just the sexes being called out and how tiny I realized they must be since I couldn't even see them in the blankets that were being used to carry them away. It all happened SO fast, it was surreal! It only took the doctor 3.5 minutes to deliver them all. The other perinatologist was frantically clamping cords, but my doctor was pulling the babies out faster than she could clamp them!

I remember I was bummed that the girls hadn't been pulled out earlier, since they were smaller than the boys, but thank God the doctor got Seth out when she did! He was sick enough being 4th out; 5th might have killed him. But God in His sovereignty had that all planned out and under control.

Will was the only baby I could keep an eye on, and the intensity of the neonatologists's efforts scared me a bit; however, those little legs and arms kept waving! Seeing how hard it is to keep Will under control long enough to dress him now makes me laugh as I recall those reassuring waving limbs.

One thing Gavin told me was he thought one of the boys (Seth) had been born with the sac still around him. Turns out he was just grey from lack of oxygen. He was really the one buried on the bottom of the pile when I was on my back. Gracie was up under my right rib cage, so that's why she was last out.

Anyway, suddenly everything disappeared, and I woke up two hours later in my own room again, with my mom watching over me. I guess they just put me under completely when it came time to sew me up! Needless to say, I immediately asked how the babies were, and Gavin came over from the NICU to reassure me that everyone was doing well [This is called "honeymooning" in the NICU. The babies tend to do well for the first 48-72 hours, then the real problems show up. Seth didn't start to really struggle until a couple of days after birth.]. My siblings and their spouses were all there (I love them all!), really excited and moved and mesmerized by the babies, as was "Aunt" Deb.

It was driving me crazy that I hadn't gotten to see the babies yet, so I asked to get into a wheelchair and go to the NICU. The nurses couldn't believe it, they said they never had moms get up that early after a C-section. (Supposedly I set some kind of record for the floor, who knows, but I had five times the reason to get over to that NICU! Plus, thousands of people around the world were praying. My recovery was AMAZING, way better than I could have imagined!)

Anyway, I proved to the staff that I could move my legs enough to get into a wheelchair, and Gavin wheeled me over for my first look at my BEAUTIFUL, PERFECT, BELOVED babies. I fell passionately in love the moment I saw them, and a mother lion-like protectiveness just took over. From then on it was like half of me stayed at the St. Paul NICU, even if the other half was barely functioning at home between pumping, praying, crying because I missed the babies, crying because I was sad they were suffering through all the procedures needed to save preemie lives, loving Isaac and Gavin, sleeping, healing, crying some more because I thought we might lose Seth, etc. What a time! Thank you, Lord, that it's over! Thank you, Father God, for the army of prayer warriors you raised up for our family and especially for our precious little ones! And thank you, Almighty God, that each baby is healthy, happy, and completely normal for his or her age - a true miracle, especially considering Seth! I think it's a fitting ending to this post to announce that he officially no longer qualifies for physical therapy after December. He's just not "delayed enough," praise God! :)

With love and utmost gratitude,
Carrie

Thanks for all your prayers and kind words about Seth!

I had him by himself this morning as the other four were sleeping, so I did a mini photo shoot. He's wearing Isaac's old shirt that we had our church photo taken in when Isaac was one year old, and he's also wearing Isaac's old bomber jacket. However, he looks just like my brother, only slightly less chubby in the face than Kenneth was at his age. I cannot find a picture of Kenneth, which is driving me crazy! I know I saw one just recently. Anyway, take my word for it. :)

Quick update Wednesday night

"I never catch up," I just told Gavin, as I put away clothes, medicine, laundry, food, etc., etc., etc. I bet most moms feel that way; maybe EVERYONE feels that way?! And I have so much more help than anyone I know! I am so very, very grateful for every one of you who has helped in the past or still helps in any capacity. You are needed and incredibly appreciated! Aunt Pam was the huge help tonight. Look at what she has to go through to get Will dressed:

My mom just had to give up the struggle with Will the other night. It was impossible. I remember reading somewhere that you're not ready to have kids until you can dress a live octopus.

Conversely, here's sweet, docile little Gracie, who bounces her way happily through life. She was all cozied up to go out on a cool night with her "bestie," Megan. ["Bestie" means "best friend," Aunt Shirley.]

Naomi, our babysitter, took these darling pictures of Seth and Grace:

And of Aunt Deb, who came to visit following lots of hard work and recovery after her knee surgery! Hooray! David was excited!

"He's doing everything a normal toddler should do"

HUGE praise to God for these words just spoken by Seth's physical therapist!! She says she doubts he'll qualify for continued therapy when he's reassessed soon. He's started crawling completely normally instead of scooting; he pulls up on everything, even vertical flat surfaces; he climbs onto the coffee table or the dishwasher door; he walks well with both legs and feet and very little support; all of these are incredible blessings! Just last week she mentioned him possibly needing a brace, but already by this week he is growing out of his idiosyncratic way of crawling and walking.

He's also continuing to eat well. Thank God for His "yes" answer in response to our request that Seth would stop vomiting in the middle of the night. I think the culprit was a different cheaper soy formula. When we switched back to the more expensive one he did fine again. (The cheap one wouldn't mix well, so it makes sense that he was having trouble breaking it down in his tummy too.)

Seth is eating solids and swallowing them as long as he takes small enough bites. He likes the food so much he's tempted to shove in the whole big veggie straw, sweet potato chip, whatever, but then that makes him gag of course. Will does the same thing. :} The therapist worked with him today on learning to take small enough bites that he can handle them going down the back of his throat. He also ate his puréed food really well.

I stand back and see all of this and can hardly believe how good and gracious the Lord has been to us. I realize God's goodness and grace are His character and not dependent on how He chooses to work in our lives, but I'm so grateful He has chosen to work this way in Seth's life!

Love and gratitude,
Carrie

Marcie and the mole rats

I guess I didn't get it on my phone after all. This is a video Naomi took, I think.

A few pictures Sunday night Nov. 10

David wanted to sit with Isaac while he watched something on his computer.

Will LOVES wearing anything like hats, glasses, headbands, whatever. He tries to put them on himself. David tried to put one of the girl's headbands on yesterday and ended up contenting himself with wearing it as a collar instead. 

I tried to make Will look like that kid from The Little Rascals, but I got it wrong. Oh well.

I can't believe it's over

I just washed my last little bottle before throwing it in the bag with the others to give away. Can we really be done with this phase? It's been a little over a year since the first baby came home (David), but somehow infancy doesn't ever really seem like it's going to end. I remember being shocked at how suddenly it was over with Isaac, this dreamy newborn and infant period I had fantasized about for years (and found much more challenging than I'd ever imagined! There was a lot less dreaming and a lot more awake time than I'd have liked!).

*Sigh.* Our babies are no longer infants. I don't want them to be infants again, don't get me wrong! There's just a feeling of nostalgia tonight. I absolutely love the one-year-old to four-year-old stage, when every discovery is so exciting and almost everything they learn and do is so cute. A friend said recently, "I don't know how you don't just die of cuteness overload!"

The babies sit at the table and each does his or her own funny thing. David whipping around a long stringy piece of broccoli or making his funny "zombie" noises in the back of his throat, or climbing out of his seat and walking across the table. Will likes to blow raspberries in frustration when he's done and cram the whole piece of food in his mouth when he isn't.  Seth can either watch quietly or play with his neighbor. It's super cute how he purses his little lips shut, bottom lip jutting out, if he doesn't want us to spoon in baby food. He insisted on choosing his own sweet potato fry tonight instead of letting my brother serve him. Gracie babbles in her charming little language, and when she sees food she's interested in approaching the table, bounces with intensity, arms flapping at her side. Marcie eats with gusto and concentration initially, shrieking for it to hurry up and get to her, but if she's in a good mood she often ends up flirting with the person next to her, touching their face or grabbing their bib and laughing. She also puts her mouth into the shape of an O and makes little "ooo?? ooo?" sounds, often gesturing with her little pointer finger. She was mimicking my brother and sister-in-law's dogs tonight, barking/howling/whining like them. Last night she was the last one at the table and was making herself laugh like crazy over nothing, throwing back her head and squeezing her eyes shut with glee.

Isaac and the babies are playing together more and more. He can make them laugh and scream with joy, and he's so interested in them and eager to play with them or help hold them (if only for a little while - they are getting too big!). He also helps me clean up their toys, hooray!

A few other new, quirky things the babies are doing now:

Will rolls his hands when agitated. It looks like he's trying to do the "roll it" motion from "pat-a-cake." He also likes to clap, but then all the kids do. They get each other going. They like to clap for themselves when they get up on something or when they stand on their own, in the case of Will.

Marcie stood on her own for a little while today and took a tiny step. Will has been taking up to 10 steps at a time, but still prefers to crawl because he's so much faster that way.

David started running! It was so strange to see this little baby boy come running down the hall a couple days ago! I love his little "laughter attacks," and his huge impish smile when he runs away from us. He loves to be chased.

Gracie almost automatically waves when she sees people now. When I got her up from her nap a few days ago Isaac was sitting at the kitchen table, just having arrived from school. When she saw him, she said, "HI!!!" and threw up her tiny little arm and hand to greet him. So cute!

Tonight at Costco (we took all five, we were all so stir-crazy!) Will and Gracie were eating the dripped/smeared frozen yogurt off of each other's mouths, very, very gently. It was SO funny to see! I couldn't get a picture, alas! When they are older they'll probably be glad that I couldn't. :)

Marcie, Seth and Will all like to read stories and point at the pictures. Gracie also likes to be read to, but David prefers to take the book for a walk. It's difficult to have a good group story time, but lots of fun still! :)

So all this to say, while it's true that their infancy is over, as is the use of the little bottles, so very much is happening NOW, and even more is ahead of us. I can't let myself dwell too much on the future because it's overwhelming to think of raising five toddlers! It's enough to know that it's Will, David, Marcie, Seth and Gracie who will be my toddlers. There are no other children I'd rather enjoy or endure each phase with.

Love,
Carrie

P.S. I have a couple of cute pictures to post but my photo library is down right now. Just look at the zoo pictures again. :) Thanks for all the sweet comments over the past weeks, months, and year - I wish I had time to write you all back!!

the last four zoo pictures

Isaac

Isaac and his buds, Megan and Nathan. What fun they all had, and what a perfect afternoon for it!

Seth really seems to love this stump, doesn't he?

With all the babies on the giant spider web plaything. Left to right: Marcie, Gracie, Seth walking, David in my lap, Will